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Vishal P. Rao
Joined: 23 Jun 2005
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#1 · Posted: 22 Sep 2007 00:54 · Edited by: Vishal P. Rao
Recently one of my relatives dropped to our place and she was telling us about how disciplined her son (10 yr old) is. He always does his home work/studies before anything else and so on. She told us that recently when he was watching Twent20 cricket, she told him that if he gets addicted to cricket then gone are his dreams of joining IIT (one of the most prestigious universities of India).
After she left, I pondered over how parents are largely responsible for making their kids prone to unhappiness. Setting goals are okay, but why ruin the present in pursuit of future? Does getting into IIT guarantee happiness? By making your kid goal oriented, you are teaching your kid to live in the future, a sure fire way to unhappiness. Once the kid goes into IIT, he'll immediately have a next goal, of getting a high paying job. After that, a house, and so on. It's not just him, but each one of us. But are we happy? No! We are constantly looking for happiness in the future and it'll never come. Because if you are not happy now, you can never be happy. Then why make him suffer like us?
Instead, let him enjoy the life at its fullest. Don't teach him to get #1 rank. Teach him to put his 100% every time and forget about the results. Teach him about enjoying the game and not about winning. Success will follow automatically. Nurturing the right values in your kids it the best gift you can give to them. Please don't take the smile and fun out your kid's lives.
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finn
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#2 · Posted: 4 Oct 2007 22:01
I agree with your comments Vishal.
It IS important for kids to learn to be self-disciplined, but also very necessary to find a balance. Let your kid BE a kid, slowly bringing in more responsibilities appropriate for age and encouraging a healthy, happy outlook on life. Do you want your kid to turn to drugs when older to try and cope with the pressures of modern day life?
This is what many do now - especially the ones I know who have been pressured to succeed from a young age, OR they completely turn their backs on the so-called success route and opt out.
So many of my kids friends had after-school classes every school day (music/drama/dancing/sports training etc) as wellas weekends - they never had a chance to play, which is an extremely important part of developing emotional intelligence and a balanced personality.
Choose their extra activities carefully and allow your child plenty of time to simply BE . . . . even better if you can 'BE' with them!
I always like to remind myself when things get hectic - we are human beings, not human doings!
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Mark_Worthen
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#3 · Posted: 7 Nov 2007 23:33
Excellent post Vishal! 
I wholeheartedly agree. I saw my father working so hard to gain the acceptance first of his father and then his older brother. Achievement was stressed so much in their family that even when my dad graduated 2nd in his class at one of the top medical schools in the world, his brother's first comment was, "Why weren't you first?"
To my father's credit, he recognized the over emphasis on academic and career achievement in his family of origin. He and my mother sought to balance achievement with fun and living in the moment. I inherited some of the "achievement = self-worth" belief system but it was certainly much more balanced for me than what my father experienced during his formative years.
All the Best,
Mark Worthen, Psy.D.
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#4 · Posted: 8 Nov 2007 07:35
As important as it is to have goals, it's the effort that counts far more than the success. I just put in the effort and often times I am unattached to the results. Remaining focused on the present moment creates contentment and reduces stress. Once the effort is expended to the best of our ability, let the future take care of itself.
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allwinners
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#5 · Posted: 6 Jul 2008 12:01
The key is 'balance'
Although I agree in part with the previous comments, I also beleive that there are boundaries, and as parents (until our kids reach the age of adulthood) we are responsible for guidance. At the age of 18 in most countries, our kids legally stop being kids, and it is with whatever maturity and guidance we have delivered, that they will forge thier own future.
However in saying this, my son was always reminded of the necessity in todays world, to secure a good education, and this is exactly what he did! In return for this commitment on his part in the early years, he now has the security in the knowledge that he can basically follow whatever path he chooses.
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johntanyishin
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#6 · Posted: 6 Jul 2008 14:09
As the world changes rapidly, information that he learned from he University will become obselete probably 5 years after he graduated.
Schools are great places to make friends and I think that one must enjoy life to the fullest before he can make a living. Life is short, goals are important but not everything.
There are things far more important that having a good career, they are family, friends, love, fun and self-realization.
JTYS
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RyanMis
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#7 · Posted: 12 Aug 2008 19:45
Vishal, I agree. I sometimes tend to push my son a little too hard. But I also understand that I need to back off occasionally. This is mainly when he tries to get out of practicing Tae Kwn Do. He gets lazy and I explain to him that it is for his benefit, not mine. Thanks
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gradyp
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#8 · Posted: 14 Aug 2008 23:14
On my honor, I will do my best...
This quote from the start of the Boy Scout Oath says it best. In teaching our children, we should teach them to do their best. If their best is to being first, then that is what they should strive for. But if they can't be "first", we should make sure that they did their best. Also, it's very possible, at times, to be first without doing their best. When you've done your best, you know it, and that is what we should teach our kids to strive for.
Grady
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Vishal P. Rao
Joined: 23 Jun 2005
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#9 · Posted: 15 Aug 2008 01:59
gradyp: But if they can't be "first", we should make sure that they did their best.
Very true! But I feel more important than that is to help your kid enjoy/love what he is doing. Once he/she enjoys his work, his/her best comes automatically. And nurturing this talent from the beginning will ensure that your kid will most likely chose a profession that gives him the most happiness.
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gradyp
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#10 · Posted: 15 Aug 2008 13:40
Vishal P. Rao: But I feel more important than that is to help your kid enjoy/love what he is doing. Once he/she enjoys his work, his/her best comes automatically. And nurturing this talent from the beginning will ensure that your kid will most likely chose a profession that gives him the most happiness.
Absolutely!
I think the two should go hand in hand! 
I've got a 5 year old that was playing baseball this last spring. He was the littlest on the team, and we did it more for social reasons and to get him some exercise. But we always encouraged him to have fun.
He had the best attitude, too. Several kids (one in particular) would pout and cry if they couldn't hit the ball. My son just enjoyed being out there with his friends and would walk back to the dug out with a smile because he was having fun.
I think we should do both. Encourage them to work for their best, but to remember to always have fun and enjoy what they are doing. I've been watching the Olympics, and some of the best performances are coming from people who are just having fun doing what they are doing. You can see it on their faces. And even if they don't when gold, they know they did the best they could.
Grady
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Vishal P. Rao
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#11 · Posted: 15 Aug 2008 23:50
gradyp: I think we should do both. Encourage them to work for their best, but to remember to always have fun and enjoy what they are doing.
Even if 10% of parents would follow this, then this world would be a amazing place to live in.
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mrich87
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#12 · Posted: 16 Aug 2008 01:06 · Edited by: mrich87
Hi everyone,
I agree with you all, but would like to add this.... (sorry if it takes it in another direction..)
Don't forget to teach your children how to SAVE money. Equally as important... don't forget to teach them how to GIVE money to their favorite organization. It's amazing, but it actually works! Give them $1 and tell them .10 goes into savings, .10 goes to help others, and the other .80 cents they get to spend on whatever they want!
Try it!
Have a good weekend,
Mike
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gradyp
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#13 · Posted: 16 Aug 2008 01:47
Vishal P. Rao: Even if 10% of parents would follow this, then this world would be a amazing place to live in.
Yes, this would be an amazing world! Just think of all that could be accomplished with this kind of attitude!
Grady
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Vishal P. Rao
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#14 · Posted: 16 Aug 2008 06:02 · Edited by: Vishal P. Rao
mrich87: Don't forget to teach your children how to SAVE money. Equally as important... don't forget to teach them how to GIVE money to their favorite organization. It's amazing, but it actually works! Give them $1 and tell them .10 goes into savings, .10 goes to help others, and the other .80 cents they get to spend on whatever they want!
Again a very good point! Giving and happiness go together. When we give we are naturally happy. And when we are truly happy, giving comes naturally. Those who hoard or are always looking to make more can never be happy.
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#15 · Posted: 16 Aug 2008 08:30
Vishal P. Rao: Once he/she enjoys his work, his/her best comes automatically. And nurturing this talent from the beginning will ensure that your kid will most likely chose a profession that gives him the most happiness.
I wish more folks would realize this. Society takes competition way too far and this creates a lot of problems.
Vishal P. Rao: Giving and happiness go together. When we give we are naturally happy. And when we are truly happy, giving comes naturally.
They do feed each other in a nice healthy circle. I feel good when I give and feeling good creates the inclination to give.
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