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riderman42
Forums Member
Joined: 10 Aug 2009
Posts: 3
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#1 · Posted: 10 Aug 2009 12:43
Does anybody find that it's more stressful to work from home than to work out of an office?
I do and I don't know why - even after 4 years of doing it.
Does anybody feel the need to work harder than your co-workers to prove that your not playing around?
Again I do!
Do you find that you work more than you should because the computer is there waiting for you to login at anytime?
I sometimes work late into the night to solve work issues.
Do you feel like you seem to care more about your work than your boss?
That is how I feel
How many times a week do you have family or friends call you to try and get you to go out and play when they know you are working?
At least 3 offers a week for me! Although I could sneek out and do something I would feel guilty doing it. Even though I work 50 plus hours a week
Any ideas on how to cope with these feelings because it really can stress me out sometimes.
By all accounts I should be happy because I work from home, get 3 weeks of vacation a year and 5 personal days, come and go as I please, and make really good money but I am not. What is wrong with me? Most people would kill for my job
A little about me I am a programmer that supports and enhances an product that no one else in the company has knowledge of the internal code or language it's written in.
Since nobody else has knowledge I feel preasure to have to know all the answers and that stresses me out.
Thanks for the advice
Patrick
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BobFirestone
Forums Member
Joined: 1 Jul 2009
Posts: 142
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#2 · Posted: 11 Aug 2009 03:38 · Edited by: BobFirestone
Working at home is lonely. That is the thing that I find most stressful. Not having social interaction is just not right and we choose that as a lifestyle. WTF is wrong with us? lol
If you live reasonably close to the company see if you can arrange to work in the office a day or two a month.
Or once a month accept one of the invitations to play and get some live people time.
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Matt Zenittini
Forums Member
Joined: 16 Jan 2009
Posts: 269
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#3 · Posted: 11 Aug 2009 07:14
I was just thinking. NS will have a REALLY good reply for this post. based off previous similar posts =].
I was just wondering... You make it sound like you CHOOSE to work long hours and it is not required of you? What is your incentive or why do you do that? I know you said you feel like you have to prove yourself.. But at the expense of being unhappy?
Are you allowed to manage time well and get up at 6 or 7 am and be done by 4:30 pm?
Can you still go out at night and in the evenings?
Are you not making time for the things you should be making time for?
I'm not sure the demands of being a programmer. If you are forced to be lonely or if you can choose to make time for other things.
Either way though, it's up to you to make the changes that will allow to you live a healthy happy lifestyle. Because nobody is going to look out for you more than you.
I'm sure people will add lots to this ^^. So check back frequently.
-Matt
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mountainmom5
Joined: 30 Aug 2007
Posts: 2274
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#4 · Posted: 11 Aug 2009 09:23
Hi Patrick - so it sounds like you work from home but are not your own boss... is that correct?
If so, what is KEEPING you from BEING your own boss??
Sounds like you are fairly valuable in the line of work you are doing so act like it.
If you are working for a company, and you are indeed valuable to them.... let them know that you have a life and you intend to live it, and then LIVE LIFE, man! 
Take control and you will feel better. I love it when someone is so confident of their position that they are not affected by what others think of them.
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Matt Zenittini
Forums Member
Joined: 16 Jan 2009
Posts: 269
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#5 · Posted: 11 Aug 2009 09:44
mountainmom5: I love it when someone is so confident of their position that they are not affected by what others think of them.
^^ Such a great perspective and attitude to carry.
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Newbie Shield
Joined: 22 Sep 2007
Posts: 2232
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#6 · Posted: 12 Aug 2009 07:33
Hi Patrick,
I feel for you. Matt raised some good questions and I'd like to address some of those.
It sounds to me like you are bearing a heavier weight than you feel you can reasonably bear alone. It sounds like you are working too hard, too often, and the whole thing it consuming you.
It seems to me that you'll have to learn to strike a balance in several areas.
Generally speaking, the areas to address would be for work and for your personal life. You seem to need more personal time, you need less responsibility at work - including time and reduced responsibility in regards to tasks, and you need to learn how to cope with certain things.
I would consider taking on less responsibility - you should approach your boss about getting some assistance (perhaps a junior programmer or two).
Learn how to spend less time on work each day. If you aren't an executive and you don't head a department where you have several programmers under you then you aren't specifically responsible for the company or the department. It sounds to me like you are pressuring yourself and that isn't necessary.
While it's good that you are aware of what needs to be done and are willing to do it, you aren't in competition with the other workers - especially those who work in a different department.
Try not to worry about how little they work or if they seem to care less about the company than you do. That isn't your job or your ethical obligation.
Outside of the company stuff you need to strike a balance between hobbies, social life, and exercise. Get a decent daily dose of each.
Task variety within your work as well as with all of life's activities is critical - at least for me. You might take several small breaks a day to do non-work activities. Do some chores around the house, run a couple errands, talk to a friend on the phone for a time, go for a jog, etc. Do it daily.
By the end of each day, you'll get a lot of different things done. You won't feel like you chained yourself to a single thing at the expense of the other important things you need to do.
If you take a careful inventory of the things you've done each day, you'll be pleasantly surprised! It helps to make a list at first or you won't really be able to see it quite as well.
One last thing: learn to set boundaries with your friends and family. Be polite yet be firm at the same time. Make it a point to let them know that you can't be bothered during certain hours on certain days. If you have to, don't answer their phone calls, don't answer the door, don't answer their emails until "after hours".
You have to be disciplined and consistant about it or they won't take you seriously. It's about reasonable boundaries.
Realize and make peace with the fact that very few take life or work as seriously as you do. That's okay. Come to terms with it. Know that it's up to them rather than up to you to decide what is best for them. There's little you can do about it anyhow so try to learn to let it go.
Work hard and play hard! Strike a healthy balance. Get a daily variety. If you had a son and you saw him doing to himself what you are now doing to yourself, what would you tell him? Do that for yourself and act on your own advice.
Best wishes,
~Newbie Shield~
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TyBrown
Forums Member
Joined: 23 Jul 2009
Posts: 56
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#7 · Posted: 12 Aug 2009 09:21
Different strokes for different folks. You have different needs than others and many find that as they strive for the 'utopia' of working at home they don't like it once they get it.
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westfam11
Forums Member
Joined: 8 Aug 2007
Posts: 496
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#8 · Posted: 12 Aug 2009 10:03
Hi Patrick,
I feel like I know what you are going through.
In addition to my on-line business, I am a work-at-home
medical transcriptionist.
I work for a company and I am an independent contractor.
I have this little transcription box that seems to call my name
all the time.
It is not my own business. I only have to work as much as
I want to since I am not an employee but knowing that
transcription box is there and knowing there is a lot of
work to be done, I just take the pressure on myself.
I have gotten better about it. I know how much I want
to work, how much I need to work and then I just
stop after that.
I finally realized that if I was concerned as much about
my online business as I was about "someone else's"
transcription business that I would do well with my
on-line business.
So that is where I am now. Finally starting to treat my
business as a "business" not a "hobby" so I can
stop being chained to my computer doing
"transcription" and be my own boss and work
for myself.
Hope you can work things out for yourself.
Becky
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A8ch
Joined: 24 Jun 2005
Posts: 673
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#9 · Posted: 12 Aug 2009 13:34
Hello Patrick,
Y'know, it may just be that you are a workaholic in need of guidance on how to take the pressure off yourself, resolve some perspective issues and smell the roses a bit more! By your own admission you should be happy.
You enjoy:
- a comfortable income
- freedom to arrange your schedule
- four weeks paid time off
- job "security" because of the uniqueness of your training
... and all this from the comfort of home.
You obviously have an enviable employment situation. As I see it, all you've got to do now is learn how to ACCEPT it and then act accordingly.
I am neither a psychologist nor a psychiatrist, but may be, your stress stems from an uncouscious, deep-seated guilt at having such a cushy situation while millions of people are experiencing economic reversal. Food for thought.
Here is my perspective on some of your questions and answers:
riderman42: Does anybody find that it's more stressful to work from home than to work out of an office? I do and I don't know why - even after 4 years of doing it.
Maybe you are still working through how best to manage your time and yourself while working from home. Take a look at how you organize your daily activities and then critique yourself -- objectively.
riderman42: Does anybody feel the need to work harder than your co-workers to prove that your not playing around? Again I do!
You may simply be a competitive person, and because you're working at home you don't want your co-workers to think you are slacking. But how would they know anyway?
No one else does what you do, so unless your programs screw things up, who's to say you aren't doing your job?
riderman42: Do you find that you work more than you should because the computer is there waiting for you to login at anytime? I sometimes work late into the night to solve work issues.
Having 24 hour access to the computer at home does give you the flexibility and choice to work at your convenience, but you shouldn't confuse "choice" with "obligation".
riderman42: Do you feel like you seem to care more about your work than your boss? That is how I feel
The boss has HIS job and you have yours. Maybe he is a marco manager and allows you the freedom to do your job. Because your work is specialized and you are competent, there's no need for him to be concerned with the details, only the results.
riderman42: How many times a week do you have family or friends call you to try and get you to go out and play when they know you are working? At least 3 offers a week for me! Although I could sneek out and do something I would feel guilty doing it. Even though I work 50 plus hours a week
The Shield gave some sound advice on how to deal with this one. He suggested setting boundaries and firmly enforcing them. But you ought to give yourself permission to go out and have fun without feeling guilty about it. "All work and no play..."
riderman42: Any ideas on how to cope with these feelings because it really can stress me out sometimes.
Maybe the answer lies in your question. It seems the "feelings" are stressing you out, not the facts. So try adjusting your feelings to respond to the facts instead.
riderman42: Since nobody else has knowledge I feel preasure to have to know all the answers and that stresses me out.
You don't have to have ALL the answers at your fingertips, only how and where to get them when you need them.
Hope this has been useful.
Hermas
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TheGurusEye
Forums Member
Joined: 3 Oct 2009
Posts: 6
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#10 · Posted: 4 Oct 2009 02:29
It sounds like you are just burned out - I started working from home 5 years ago and it only worked out for about 8 months, then I had to find a job. I did the job thing till I had enough to try again, I have been working from home ever since for myself. Its sounds like you might not enjoy what you do and thats the main ingredient. I say you need to meditate on your wants in life.
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hearthopes
Forums Member
Joined: 8 Feb 2010
Posts: 12
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#11 · Posted: 8 Feb 2010 13:30
mountainmom5: Take control and you will feel better. I love it when someone is so confident of their position that they are not affected by what others think of them.
This just sums it up!! PERFECT!!
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fcc755227
Forums Member
Joined: 8 Feb 2010
Posts: 1
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#12 · Posted: 8 Feb 2010 13:46
BobFirestone
I think it is more stressful because we feel we are always working! Especially if we are a mother--it's like our home is our workplace. I find that if I set a time that I will work and when the kids get home, I try and just close my office door so I'm not tempted to work all the time. If not, we will find ourselves checking and answering emails,etc.
We have to allow ourselves our time if we are to work at home. I have 8 children, so I really have to take my own advice.
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