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Palabra
Member
Joined: 7 Mar 2007
Posts: 2
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# Posted: 7 Mar 2007 17:22
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All,
I work from home as a technical writer for a quickly growing software company. work has been tough lately. I'm under a lot of stress and working more hours than anyone else in the house. Working from home is great. When my workload isn't too demanding, I love it. What I don't love is housework.
I have a separate area of the apartment set aside for housework. I made a wall of bookshelves to separate me from the living room, and I really have a comfortable set up. I do a good job of keeping my desk area clean and organized. It's the rest of the house that's the problem. When the coffee table gets covered with clutter, when a garbage bag that is not yet full starts to smell, when my husband leaves the toothpaste tube on the counter and the actual paste in the sink... these things have 10 hours more per day to grate on my nerves than on his. He just doesn't see them, but they have a negative impact on my productivity. When I take the plunge and just clean those things, then I feel resentful because I do more of the cleaning. After all, working from home is not the same as being a homemaker. How can I get fellow household members to pitch in more without pitching a fit?
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Vishal P. Rao
Administrator
Joined: 23 Jun 2005
Posts: 775
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# Posted: 8 Mar 2007 00:35
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Have a friendly discussion with your husband. That's the only solution. I can understand that women, even if they work, are expected to do the bulk of household chores. In such situations, blaming your husband for not lending in help will only end up in further arguments, making the matter worse. Just take some time out together, give him a hug and then discuss your problem. I'm sure you'll be surprised at the results.
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Palabra
Member
Joined: 7 Mar 2007
Posts: 2
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# Posted: 8 Mar 2007 11:32
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This is good advice, but I've already tried talking calmly - several times over. I've even tried e-mailing him. I've tried arguing. I've tried asking him to do a few specific little chores every day. I've tried point-blank asking him to clean a specific room during a specific time-frame (like the weekend). I've tried enforcing the "take turns" rule to the extent that I leave important things undone (like dishes or trash removal) for days at a time until he finally sees the need to do it. At best, he helps out more for a couple of days, but then he falls into the same old bad habits. At worst, he just "forgets."
For example, we have recently moved. I was on vacation during the week of the move, and so I did the bulk of the unpacking and organizing. That seemed fair to me, as he was working all day and I was not. When the weekend rolled around, I asked him to unpack and clean the rest of the bedroom. I had done part of it, but I was overwhelmed with laundry that day and needed his help in order to finish. He agreed to finish the bedroom, and yet he only did part of the job. He put the bed together and set up all of the electronics in the room, but he never folded the laundry or unpacked any of the remaining boxes. The result is that, nearly a week later, our bedroom is still a mess of boxes and unfolded (but clean) clothes. Instead of doing what I asked him to do, he just did what he wanted to do. He did additional chores this weekend (helping with dishes when it wasn't his turn, networking all of our computers together, programming our new TV, etc.), but he only did the chores he wanted to do, not the chores that we needed to do.
I suppose it doesn't help that he is going for a promotion at work, and so he is also working long, stressful hours. Still, this kind of thing never happened before I started to work from home. When we both had the same schedule, we split the housework much more evenly. Now that I work from home, that situation has changed. If talking, pleading, writing, hinting, reminding, nagging, and scheming have all failed, what remains to be done? It doesn't seem fair for me to take on all of the chores he doesn't want to do just because I happen to work from home.
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Vishal P. Rao
Administrator
Joined: 23 Jun 2005
Posts: 775
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# Posted: 10 Mar 2007 04:25
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Quoting: Palabra If talking, pleading, writing, hinting, reminding, nagging, and scheming have all failed, what remains to be done? It doesn't seem fair for me to take on all of the chores he doesn't want to do just because I happen to work from home.
I may sound philosophical but in any relationship, one always loves more than the other and one always sacrifices more than the other. Seldom there is equal contribution. And the best person to be on the giving side is always you. The more you expect, the more you'll be disappointed. So if the relationship that's more important to you, then I guess you need to sacrifice. Atleast he does some chores rather than just be a couch potato. I know it's always easier said than done but something needs to be done right?
Other option: get a maid.
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