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dmm1932
Member
Joined: 18 Mar 2009
Posts: 5
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# Posted: 30 Mar 2009 10:55
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Hi everyone. I have a six year old daughter in Kindergarten. She recently started lying almost constantly. I mean, I kinda understand lying to keep yourself out of trouble. From a kid's standpoint, it makes sense. But she lies just to lie lately, about anything and everything. Can anyone give me some advice on how to get her to stop. I have tried punishments like writing sentences, taking away toys, etc.. It seems like she doesn't care. Thanks.
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VictoriaNTC
Member
Joined: 12 Mar 2008
Posts: 395
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# Posted: 30 Mar 2009 14:05
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Hello Dawn,
One of my sons is such a strong willed freedom-seeker.
He was a challenge and a half.
Now, this may sound a little unusual, but what I began to do is pre-pave the day.
What I mean by that is: The most difficult time was after school, throughout the evenings.
So, I would walk to meet him at the bus stop 15 minutes early, and stand under a tree and just imagine a peaceful evening with my son.
Every time I did that, we had a great night.
When I did not do it, I was up for a challenge.
I tried to get him to listed to 10 minutes if a meditation CD daily, but he gets bored.
So, I put a CD of ocean sounds in in the bedroom while the kids fall asleep, and they are meditating without even knowing it...just de-fragging the brain...as I call it.
I also started spending more time playing with him, and these days it is easy to be wrapped up in making money, running errands, worrying and so on. Its is hard to find time...but does get easier.
Actually, I pulled him out of school due to admin problems, last week, and he is a different child.
The weight of the world has been lifted from this child's shoulders.
(At this public school, the kids are not permitted to touch the trees)
and they call it "our school"...
Anyway, she could just want extra attention..they all do.
Just a few ideas...
Victoria
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Newbie Shield
Joined: 22 Sep 2007
Posts: 1658
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# Posted: 30 Mar 2009 21:06
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Hi Dawn,
Victoria's observations and suggestions are excellent.
To that I might add a couple things.
Try to find out how it started and why the child continues to do it. She must get something out of it or hopes to.
If you approach her with nonthreatening respect and genuine concern and curiosity (perhaps even a little laughter), she may open up and tell you why.
If and when she does, you might express your appreciation in regards to her trust toward you and risking honesty (sometimes that is a brave thing to do and should be rewarded somehow).
She's very young and not really accountable for much of her attitudes and behavior. Most make the mistake of expecting children to think and behave like adults.
Best wishes,
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Vishal P. Rao
Joined: 23 Jun 2005
Posts: 977
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# Posted: 31 Mar 2009 00:15 · Edited by: Vishal P. Rao
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All good suggestions.
One of the best ways to reform children according to me is telling them moral stories (or even cooking up your own depending on your child's needs). And the best time to do that is during bed time. This is when they are most receptive.
Children almost believe stories as real and they work like magic. All parents should make it a point to tell at least one good story to their children at bed time.
Whenever they start being their old self, you just have to remind them of the characters in the stories.
And one very important thing to remember is that, force never works. It only makes them stronger. Whatever you achieve through force is only superficial.
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dmm1932
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Joined: 18 Mar 2009
Posts: 5
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# Posted: 31 Mar 2009 11:25
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Wow, Vishal, that last thought is very profound. Thank everyone for the suggestions. I will definitely put them to use. She is the middle child of three girls, so I am sure part of it is attention. Although, my husband's sister is an adult now, and has always been known as a fibber. I do not want this to happen to my daughter. I'll let you all know if I make any progress with it. Thanks again for your help.
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mountainmom5
Joined: 30 Aug 2007
Posts: 1250
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# Posted: 31 Mar 2009 12:05
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You have gotten some excellent advice here - and she is only six so you have some time to help her overcome that before she grows older.
This may be a bit drastic but have you ever tried lying to her? Sometimes it helps them to see how unhandy it is to have someone lie all the time when someone they trust does it... just a thought!
Good luck and I don't know what your faith is but I usely use a lot of prayer for things like that with our kids and we only have five. 
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Vishal P. Rao
Joined: 23 Jun 2005
Posts: 977
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# Posted: 1 Apr 2009 01:20 · Edited by: Vishal P. Rao
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dmm1932: Wow, Vishal, that last thought is very profound.
Yes it really is and surprisingly it's not only with raising children. It's with anything you do in life. The harder you try to achieve something the farther it goes away from you. Letting go is the key. Of course this doesn't mean neglecting. You have to do your duty and show them the right path, but at the same time you should treat your child as an independent being and allow his/her intelligence to grow.
Love empowers. Attachment impairs.
mountainmom5: This may be a bit drastic but have you ever tried lying to her? Sometimes it helps them to see how unhandy it is to have someone lie all the time when someone they trust does it... just a thought!
Yes that can help too. We do it it sometimes just to show how it feels to being lied. Raising children is one of the most interesting things in life. And fortunately or unfortunately, there is no single solution here. You have to discover what works for your children.
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